How to Raise Socially Successful Kids
It's natural to want our kids to be socially successful. We want them to have friends and to feel a sense of belonging. We might feel pressure for them to act a certain way in public and find ourselves stepping in whenever we sense conflict. The problem is that when we swoop in and take over, this can actually stop kids from building their own social skills. We get to be there to scaffold these skills, but it requires us to give our kids space to reflect, think, and problem solve on their own.
Picture this scenario: Leo is approaching the table where Nina is already playing. Nina yells “No Leo! I’m using ALL the playdough and ALL the tools. These are MINE.”
Now what?
Sometimes kids have an expectation of how something is going to play out, and feelings can come up for them when things don’t go as they hope or intended (relatable, right?). We get to help Nina navigate those feelings.
Broadcast what you see:
“Oh, you see Leo coming over. Do you feel nervous he is going to take your playdough?”
Letting children know they are seen and that we can support them with their feelings will help them feel secure, and turn off the alarms in their brain.
Reflect, and pose a question:
“If I wanted to play with my friends and they didn’t want to include me, I might feel left out. I wonder how someone could feel included?”
By pausing and asking a simple question, we give children the opportunity to make decisions and problem-solve.
Let them know what they CAN do:
“The playdough table is open to all our friends and it's okay if you want to work on your project alone. Leo can also make a project. You can take some space at this part of the table.”
We can offer children another way to communicate or an outlet for their needs.
The goal with building kids’ social skills isn’t to jump in and solve the problem for the child. If we can pause and help the child feel safe first–we can then invite them into problem solving and decision making. This helps them build a skill set for navigating social conflict in the future.
