Why Kids Lie and How to Respond

voices of your village Oct 29, 2020

 Welcome back to Voices of Your Village! Today on episode 144 we are diving into the topic of lying. Why do kids lie? How can we respond in a way that builds trust with kiddos and lets them know that they are safe to turn to us with the truth? This can be a really triggering topic for us. Perhaps in childhood you felt you had to lie because you weren’t safe to tell the truth or maybe there are narratives that come up for you from your childhood if someone is lying. 

 

“We all bring different narratives to adulthood based on our social programming and childhood experiences.”

 

If you feel really triggered by lying it might be a good indication that there is something below the surface from your childhood that you can take a look at here and dive into to do some reparenting work so that we can show up with intention for our kiddos, instead of simply reacting based on our past. 

 

If you want support on reparenting work, head to SeedReparenting.com to snag our Reparenting Course. For $67 you can get started in doing this work today. 

 

“This is the work that changed my life.”

 

Lying can feel so triggering for us as adults because we carry around narratives about what it means to lie based on our social programming. We have often been told that lying is bad and that it is never okay to lie. And yet, it is so developmentally appropriate.

 

On today’s episode I do a deep dive into the research around lying to get to the bottom of why it is happening and how we can best respond to foster a relationship of trust and security, rather than from a place of punishment where we see increased lying.

 

So often, we really want to make sure we are raising kind, respectful humans and we are afraid that if they are lying then we are failing. In actuality, if we continue to punish them, they won’t build the necessary toolbox. But if we can connect with them instead then we can support them in building a better toolbox. 

 

Some of my favorite phrases around lying are:

 

“When you are honest with me, it tells me that you trust me and I am so grateful for your trust and honesty.”

 

“I feel upset about what happened because I want to keep you safe.”

 

“I want you to feel safe telling me the truth, I will work to feel calm so that I can support you.”

 

Sometimes kids lie to protect us, because they are afraid of our reaction and how we might feel. I want to let them know that I have the toolbox to regulate myself so they aren’t in charge of protecting us. 

 

Come on over to Instagram @Seed.and.Sew or our Facebook group Seed and Sew: Voices of Your Village to continue this conversation. You can provide some follow up questions that I’ll be happy to answer. What else comes up from your childhood around lying? What narratives are you carrying and how does it affect how you show up in the moment? I love diving into these topics with you, come chat with me!

 

Until next time,

Xoxo

 

Alyssa



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