Positive Discipline from Tiny Humans to Teens

Howdy, hello villagers! Welcome to yet another episode of Voices of Your Village. Today I had the ultimate privilege to sit down with Casey O’Roarty of the Joyful Courage podcast to talk about something we don’t often chat about here at Seed&Sew, raising teenagers. Because as we all know, tiny humans grow up despite our best efforts.

Casey O’Roarty is a school teacher turned parent educator, with an emphasis on positive discipline training. When her kids were 1 and 4 she found positive discipline and quickly realized how powerful the work was going to be within her own family. She learned what parenting she did not want to repeat, and knew she had to spread the word on positive discipline. Positive discipline is a different foundation on behavior and parenting, it comes from Alfred Adler and is about relationship forward support as opposed to behavior-reward systems. 

“When we are connected to one another and know we matter, our behavior supports that ideology.”

In 2014 Casey went through a life coach program in order to work one on one with her village, she then started a podcast the following year (you can check me out in episode 217!). Moving into the teen years, positive and peaceful parenting felt like the logical and easy tactic on raising well-rounded kiddos. Then, during the teenage years (hello, brain development!) she found that real, raw discussions on raising teenagers are not out there. So, Casey set out to change that.

I agree with Casey. We all have this desire in us to control the things in life that we actually have no control over. When it comes to raising our children all we can do is help them nurture the necessary toolbox so that they can overcome life’s challenges on their own.

“So often, really loving, caring parents don’t realize that they are adding kindling to the fire with how they respond to their kiddos.”

Besides becoming fast friends, Casey and I spent this podcast episode answering your submitted questions on raising tiny humans into teens with positive discipline. The first question we addressed was: Teen years are triggering because they were hard years for me personally. Regarding social pressure and anxiety, don’t we all want to feel like we are a part of the group?

Casey was happy to respond, “Even if you’ve processed your emotions, you may still be surprised by what shows up. Remember, there is no possible way for your child to relive your exact experience. However, the internet is so good at shoving so much fear at us as parents. Our experience of these “new threats” is part of the fabric of modern society for our kids. They receive messages at a young age of how to be a teenager right now, just like we did.”

“ For regular people who are struggling, it can feel like no one else is navigating what we are because we don’t post about the hard stuff.”

Casey expressed that this is no small feat, it can be hard to hold space for our teenagers when they come to us with difficult behavior and are open about it- but it is imperative that we do. When I think of myself and my own struggles as a teenager, I think: What did younger Alyssa need for healing and growth? And I know that I needed to not be in a punishment/reward system. Ultimately, I really needed coping strategies for me to process my hard emotions without turning to booze and raging to mask my lack of emotional processing. “In our generation of parenthood,” Casey added. “Is that it is mainstream to be self-aware.”

Casey and I kept answering your submitted questions, and we have a great time doing it! You can find more of Casey at JoyfulCourage.com. Also, she does parenting coaching sessions with parents of teenagers and in April will be hosting a 5-day, mini-summit about Sex and Relationships. Each of her summits is followed by the 5-week Joyful Courage Academy course, where you can learn to focus on the relationship you have with your kiddos. For more candid teen talk, you can listen to Casey on her Joyful Courage podcast.

“This time is a snapshot, it makes an impact but is not beyond repair.”

For our full chat, click on the podcast episode link above. Casey, thank you so much for joining me and our village! As always, give yourself grace, babes. This is not easy. The goal is progress, not perfection.